Brad and I have spent a long time thinking peace was something we had to find. We have looked for it in people by seeking authentic connection, true love, and the idea that maybe someone else holds the magical missing piece we couldn’t quite reach on our own. It is always a temporary wholeness that seems to fade as superficial relationships that once felt real fall away.
So we started looking in different places: new environments, routines, scenery. Like maybe a different setting would finally make everything feel right. Sometimes, it does. For a moment, life feels lighter and quieter. Until it doesn’t.
We began seeking in things like setting goals, measuring progress, and what we thought was very clear understanding. If we could just learn enough, do enough, become enough, then hold it, maybe peace would come with it. It hasn’t yet.
We’re still learning, catching ourselves in it, and noticing just how easy it is to slip back into chasing sunshine.
I know we are not the only ones. So many of you are also searching for something you can’t quite name, moving from one place to the next, one person to the next, one version of yourself to the next… waiting for the moment you are no longer seeking. Waiting for something or someone to arrive and make it all make sense. Waiting to be saved.
As long as peace lives somewhere “out there”… it never actually arrives. You just keep chasing the sunshine, yearning for the warmth on your skin, begging for the comfort of the light to shine on your face. Eventually, the excitement of the search fades and hope becomes discouraged.
You keep reaching, keep holding on to faith, but the rays of the sun somehow keep slipping through your fingers. Every “this is it” moment somehow turns into “maybe the next thing will be it”…until you are so exhausted, you are left with no choice but to slow down, and then stop completely.
It’s uncomfortable sitting with yourself. No distractions, placeholders, or borrowed light. When you are unsure what comes next, you start to question yourself, like you’ve done something terribly wrong and that’s why you have ended up here, in hell, instead of soaking up that beautiful sunshine in your dream life.
The truth is, nothing terrible has happened at all. You didn’t make a wrong turn, you didn’t miss it, you didn’t lose your chance. The Universe is trying to let you know that peace is not something you need to chase outside of yourself. It’s the hardest pill to swallow along this journey and even harder to hold it. The warmth you are yearning for, the light you can’t seem to catch, the peace you thought lived in everything else – it’s all right there inside of you, buried beneath all the distractions.
But, on those rare days when you are able to hold it steady, you will KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, you were never meant to chase sunshine, because you are carrying it.
And in case you forgot, I love ya!
